(abused)

Abused by an
alcoholic mother,
she floats from
a torn tether
at the edges of
her life.
Running barefoot
through the
chic coastal town,
her slender feet
with their high
arches.

She speaks in a
whispery voice,
all but inaudible,
dresses in flowing
pastels.

ii
Abandoned by
her father at an
early age, she can
never leave any-
thing, cannot let
go.
She walls herself
in her apartment
with stacks of
boxes and worn out
lthings. A path
to the bathroom,
to the kitchen
sink.
She pins her hopes
on other people,
and sweeps the
disappointment to
the corners of her
room.
With a cheery
dismissal
of what is going
to get better
and when.
Having sustained
herself on occasional
visits, she gets
by on very little.
Takes a bit of
action and waits. she hangs on,
and hangs on,
and hangs on,
until there is
nothing left
of what she meant
her life to be,
but a hedge
against the worst
possibility.

Once it wa shoes
thrown carelessly
on the closet floor,
stacks of Vogue
in the walk-in.
Then boxes of bottles
for redemption
on the service
porch,
next stacks of
newspapers in
‘the hall,
more & more
boxes gathering
around the bed,
the false hope of
plastic shelves.
Then paper bags
full of cat food
cans in the
living room.
On one
comes in now,
and because
no one does,
it gets worse
& worse.
She lacks the
mirror we all
need that shows
us how we veer
off course.

That says get
out and take a
walk, and then
do it again.
That says don’t
doubt, don’t fear
don’t wonder.
Just throw it
away, believiing
more will come. As it surely will.
Take the large
swipe,
the back hoe
approach to cleaning
up.
Thaat says breathe deep
and suck in life,
the way we really
need it.
Just prana filling
up the cells, and
not in things.
(Turn and embrace
the uncertainty of life)
Turn toward the uncertainty
of life, and embrace it.
It will never
leave you.

(richness & texture)
3/12/99

Her mother divorced
before she was three.
She grew a fearful
child, trying to
compensate for her
mother’s lack.