I stopped my life with fear,
which said I don’t want that,
but couldn’t name what it chose.
My father’s habit that I took on,
against my will and had to disarm
like taking apart a bomb,
without directions.
Who knew how the universe worked.
They hadn’t figured it out.
They tightened the tourniquet
tighter on the way we lived
so that things shrunk
instead of growing,
not knowing love was what
caused growth to happen.